To my dear Brother

Maxou, 

You know how much I love you. But what you don't know is how much I am sorry. And you need to hear it.
I'm sorry I had been so selfish, I'm sorry I left you too early, I'm sorry I haven't been there, I'm sorry I'm not here today either. I'm sorry you thought I was abandoning you again when I intend to end my life years ago. I was young, stupid, and blind. I'm sorry you felt like I ignored you. I'm sorry you had to face our past in my shadow, I'm sorry I haven't talk to you more, I'm sorry I haven't kicked some ass to show you that no one, no one could stand in front of our happiness. I'm sorry I haven't been strong enough. I'm sorry you had to be strong when were not supposed too. I am so sorry I haven't see you were hurt just as much as me. I'm so sorry you had to grew up alone. 
I wish you'll forgive me. 
It's killing me to see how upset you are, how angry you are, how fragile our hearts are. Being so mature, so smart, so aware but suffering everyday because our feelings are too heavy to carry. It's who we are. 
Life had been tough on us. On you. We still have so many questions. How can we live the way we are? How can we live willing to extract our heart out of our body? I'm myself wondering everyday. Yet, we are capable of everything. Because we are warriors. 
And future is promising. One day, you'll stand in a church for a wedding. One day we will have kids. One day we will live close by. One day, you'll have a house and a family. And it's not gonna be boring, because dramas are part of us. But happiness is just peace. Are you happy to see what man you're becoming? Peace is knowing what we want. Knowing how to deal with life. Peace is accepting our weaknesses and prevent our heart from being hurt by taking the wright decisions.

I am so proud of you,
You're so smart, so funny, such a beautiful person. 
I will be here for you when you need me, I'll be the sister you needed for so long. Because I'm stronger than you think and because it is your turn to rest on my shoulder. I need you as much as you need me, and we will fight life together. No one, nothing can stop us. You know we are made of indestructible stone. A long life is ahead of us now, and we will be together. Our past is behind us, we are the future. Together we will built a family that will be stronger than ever. We will be the old cooking dinner for Christmas. We will be the pillars. And I know you can picture this as clear as I can now. We are supposed to live and hold everything up, who could do it better than us? 
Until then, we both need to get on with the routines, make strong plans and move mountains for the sake of our destiny.

I will always be here. I will love you forever. 
Let's smach it.