Can't live with women but can't kill them either

Can't say I'm not thrilled with the news.

This is brilliant and this is really what they wanted either or not I might have think they're a bit young...
Makes me feel old myself. And so does my dad. I always assumed I would be the first one.. first of my generation.. being a woman .. wasn't the black cheep or the black seed but still. This is bitting me in the aSs..
Here you are 28years old single lost and stupid lady but the failure of them all.. and not even a success on properly failing..
I wanted to be a mother for a few years.. I hoped I'd be married by next year only 2 years ago.. and instead I'm going to other's wedding, minding their kids, or waiting for some to just pop up out of their bags.
How do I feel really?
Sad. In some way. Also anxious. What if I'll never be mum? What if I never meet the guy? What if I die from genital part cancer before I even got the chance to conceive..
All of that is killing me somehow desperately.
Sometimes, even if I'm not really religious.. I turn into God's will and I pray.
I just need to believe in myself don't I?