Dear Quentin..no

Dear Mister Tarantino,

I'm sitting on the sofa with my dad, like we do most of the evenings. The sofa is small but we both lay our legs on the stupid ikea table in front of us. My dad watches TV while I'm having my last cigaret. Sometimes we speak about movies. Tonight I'm complaining about recent french movies being all about love and couples, cheatting, or smoking, or naked, being gay or lesbian, it's always about love and blablabla...I'm asking him, well, after Amelie what do we have here in this country as a real good movie, and he's like "Hey, we've got Dupontel.." and I can't count Dupontel cos he's my favourite french director...and then we talk about The Artist but none of us actually watched it..eventually we are caught by the TV screen and I'm thinking of you so I say:

"Dad, you know sometimes I imagine the day I'm going to meet Quentin Tarantino and I get really scared cos I don't know if I'll be able to speak... and if I don't meet him before I die, I believe I'll die sad.

- why don't you write him a letter then? You do know how to write, don't you?"

27 years old, 28 next monday, and I hadn't thought about that ever. Surely cos I was having some kind of fantasy that one day I'd meet you in the middle of nowhere, you'd see me and we would fall in love (now you're wondering why I'm complaining about french movies being all about love when I'm a fairy myself)...we sure got some kind of huge ego somewhere, can't deny it.

So I ran up my bedroom and grabbed a pen and a piece of any paper on my desk. Starting to write I realize I couldn't make sense at all in all the things I could think of saying. I am not even convinced you're actually going to read it. But I don't want to fall into the "grab his attention" shiiite people gives to be noticed. And by writting you up front is the equivalent of doing exactly that. So what should I do? Keep hoping I'll meet you eventually and believe it with all my heart cos that's the only thing I really seek or do something about it...like writing a fuckin letter. 

It's all about honesty isn't it? Being true to yourself. I could tell you about my life, my old times waiting at the Mezz in Dublin hoping if there was a bar you'd pick if you were in Ireland it would be that one, or the fact that I'm a stupid french woman still studying Cinema and working on a theses about how you picked and treated women in your movies... I could tell you I would love to meet you to interview you about that, or because I would sooo love to write your biography myself by being your confident...and hey! Here I said it. But the truth is I want to meet you because I feel like I can understand you and that maybe then... you could understand me. For who I am.

I've never felt understood. My love stories are messy as F**. I lost someone a long time ago and couldn't built something after that. I spent my all life thinking that world wasn't for me. And that it was way too unfair to actually care. With your movies and I mean all of them (wait.. except for Reservoir Dogs I promise myself I wouldn't see in case one day there will be no more Quentin Tarantino movies to watch...) I felt relieved...because I felt like I wasn't alone after all.

This is so dramatic, I sound pathetic dammmn, dunno whatelse to say now.

I wanna do something, ONE thing, before I die (therefore before you die too! hehe) it's to meet you. Actually seat somewhere and talk. Whatever the subject, whatever if you end up not liking me or being bored, I just want to look into your eyes and see.

And then I'll ask for the moon.

Lucile