PART 3 - Crap Backpacker and Blue Room

I was waitress at the Bar Doppios from 7 on the morning then waitress at the Lane, then barmaid at the Hanuman til late...After my work I used to join him. I remember me so many times climbing at the lateral gate to see if he was in his backpacker's room, this fuckin YHA... We had sex for the first time in his crap bed, he had attached a piece of tissue all around his bunk bed. Actually, we don't really remember this time. I just remember him turning back on the bed like he was definitly alone on thê planet, and starting to snore noisily...Well, I was sure of one thing, it was a so crap first time and he was really not a perfect gentleman but at least, bad like it was, we could make the thing better... Think positive.

But because I didn't know if this beginning of relationship was serious and because I though Niall just wanted to have sex with me, I left the bed in the middle of the night, without any underwear (I fuckin" couldn't find them), and I jumped on my bike straigh away to my house.

Niall texted on the morning before to go to work. He asked me why I had left the room. It seemed tender and worried. And maybe I did a mistake to think Niall was just a man like an other. But I used to sleep 2hours per night and one hour a day between 2jobs. I was really busy and full of shits. Asking myself everyday, why I did so many kilometers to forget someone who didn't care about me, why I was so sensitive, why I couldn't feel something for anyone else... My close friends started to miss me a lot, Michael and David left, my new roomates were not nice at all. I felt alone and day after day more guilty to be with Niall without really care.

One day, Niall left to go to work in the bush for a couple of days...not the better days for me. I heard that Dorian (a big friend of me) was in couple with my ex-roomate in France and I received this new like a big treason. I needed to stop to believe that maybe Dorian and me could be together. It was just so stupid, especially because I was not in love, just far away and confuse. But Niall didn't know me. I didn't want to annoying him with all my questions and stupid problems. So I told to myself to do like everything was great. He came back, 2minuts after I was crying in his arms. Stupid girl. At last, this conversation opened my eyes. Niall was really a nice guy. He really wanted to know more about me, he was able to listen to me, to give me some advice, and, he was sensitive as well...

We slept together on a bed outside in the middle of my garden one night...An other time, he had changed his bapckpacker because of me...Earlier on the morning, the receptionist catch me get out of his room and say to him to quit straight away, and I'm sorry but this receptionist was a perfect asshole, I used to pay my rent, I didn't use their shower, I was there just to see Niall one or two hours never more and he could just close his eyes in this case..

An other time, I don't know how, I was angry because he was texting an other girl. And because he didn't reply to my texts after, I went to his new backpacker, I climbed (again) an (other fuckin') gate, and I found him sleeping like a dickhead, his phone under his bed. I took all his clothes and I threw them away close to the swimming pool...Some people found me and told me that I was too crazy. I tried to explain to them, but they replied, Niall and me were together just for few weeks, it was stupid to be angry for nothing, they were true actually, but of course one of them tried to kiss me, saying he was better than this Irish man asleep and texting some other girls. No kidding.

The point was : I liked this fuckin IRish man asleep... So I stopped this man as fast as I could, and I came home. Then, I felt stupid, I turned back, I climbed again, I took his clothes close to the swimming pool and put them away where they were before. Niall didn't see nothing. If he knows all of that...

Anyways...Everything was finally fine. Niall told me he didn't care of this girl and even we had some communication problems, we needed to trust each other, at least for a while. Well, then, many things happened. I get sick for few days, blocked in my bed, my roomate out for a couple of days and without strenght left, I'd texted Niall, saying I was dying and 2hours later he was in my room with my favorite revue and my favorite drink ( a bottle of ginger beer),, carrying me on the sofa, changing my shits, looking after me...I was so ugly, perspiring, smelling bad, my hair was dirty and sticked onto my forehead...I told him something..I remember it like it was today...I told him "Why a man like you doesn't exist..."and I stopped myself, now the truth was here. Niall was here for me like nobody before. He just proved me he could be strong enough to be with me. I just opened my eyes. Niall touched me. And tears come up to my eyes.

Then, he introduced me his friends, I went to see him playing soccer. He went take his long black at the BarDoppios a morning with his friends Princess, Gary and.. I can't remember...(sorry). I was embarrased. From my side, I was spending my time to convince myself that I was not with him really...it was just a part of "enjoy your life", "backpacker way", blablabla...Love drove me scared. I was afraid. For nothing. It was more and more difficult to catch us up.

But, finally, I changed my room for an other, single with a double bed during a couple of days. We had sex....really good sex. A morning, he tried to tell me something. I heard something far away from my mind...I didn't want to realise...I knew it was "I love you"...but at this time, "I love you" made me run away as fast as possible. I persisted to think I couldn't believe someone could love me anyways. I was, fat and fat, stupid, alone, annoying, and full of shit.

I quite the Lane. The new manager was an asshole. He treated like a dog. And I decided, at last, to follow Niall and his Irish troup on a roadtrip to Darwin. I had missed to follow Michael to the Kimberleys. It was an other chance to travel again.