DIstance is difficult

At first, I have to say, I like my new job.
I'm gonna use a code to talk about that.

In M&H the first thing that u can learn it's vocabulary. Now when u say I'm riding a horse means I'm emptying the big moving-stand, and, when you said I'm looking after the poney it means I'm emptying the small moving-stand. That's sometimes funny. Even behind the checkout, when someone take your place, we used to say coming over "I take you" and of course the meaning sounds suddenly really different... So, if  I summarize I spend my days to take horses up, to empty ponies, and to take my colleagues behind the cashdesks...

My new team is nice.

I'm really friend with one of them who works in my new department. When I first saw him, I remember a ugly and desgusting nose piercing. It was like a buffalo was sitten close to me. And he sounds obviously proud of him and confident with himself. I didn't know what to think really. And when he came out of the kitchen when Sylvain (the floor) was introducing me, I saw his tiny body and thus the buffalo disappear to let in my mind curiosity growing up zipping in my toughts.. Kass is not really attractive at the beggining. When you first see him, it's just long and dark-hair falling on his shoulders, big noise and skinny body, piercing on his face and black jacket. BUT. When you talk with him, you can easily see, he's sensitive, and smart, and sincere, and pure, honest and strong too. Someone who knows..what to say. Kass is became a friend quickly. He told me many about me at the first time and he was able to be interested in me and my story, to show me many points about my relationship who was not really clear, he was able to listen to me as well and give me his point of view. It's a complicated person. No doubt. But I think, it's a nice guy.

David, Baby, no worries, I don't forget you. David is my godfather. He show me the shop, the security ways, how I must work, what I needed to do be good and everything. He's an actor. I don't even know if he really realises how many moods he's able to get on the same time. I don't really know if he's happy or just strange. But he's got a beaming smile sometimes...It's like a king of angel but in cruel word. And it's like he doesn't know yet what is his mission. Lost maybe. And definitly gay.

Girls are nice too BUT today I wanted to kill one of them. This fuckin' girl spend her time to open her mouth for nothing, smiling like an hypocrite and whistling bullshit as it was just a joke. I stopped to ask myself if she's nice or nasty. I just want to look at her eyes and say deeply "Fuck you Girl, shut your smile down, close your mouth now and go away from me." But I'm patient. And I'll smile more and more, just to see her smiling stupidly.

It's just because I'm so tired.

Niall miss me. Before today my memories with him made me feel happy and now...when I'm thinking about him I want to cry... Like if it was just past. Like it will never happen again. I should be stronger. He proves me today how much we're loving each other. I love him. Stupid girl who tought she wasn't able to love again. I'm living alone. Strong, a wall walking around, and dreaming a future full of questions. And I'm blocked here. Waiting for him. Helpless.

It's just because I'm so tired.

Maybe that's why, I'm feel bad and I smoke. Maybe that's why I'm so crap today.
Need to sleep soon.

Start early again tomorrow.